Clone Wars Season 3 Episode 8

The Clone Wars, Flavour iii, Episode 8: If I Knew You lot Were Coming, I'd Have Baked a Cake

The Clone Wars, Season iii, Episode viii: Evil Program

Well well well, what do The Clone Wars have in store for united states of america today, my friends? Why, t his fourth dimension, an Evil Plot is itinerant, courtesy of The Night Side. I know — you're shocked, SHOCKED! This is gonna be a alter of stride for u.s.a. all for sure.

We're told during the Voiceover Recap that the Jedi are distracted by the war (this show literally cannot emphasize this enough: we are told over and over and OVER again that the Jedi are super, super busy with the war. They are busy! With the state of war! Information technology's draining! They're tired! And distracted! And their DVRs are probably FULL of shows they demand to take hold of up on! OK???!!!)

With the Jedi too busy braiding each other's hair and trading sexually-charged bon mots with each other to focus on anything else, the criminal chemical element of the universe is left to run wild, and unsurprisingly Cad Blight and Jabba the Damn Hutt are involved in this. Jabba's sent Cad Bane out on a Mission of Mystery that we are told "shall strike at the heart of the Republic", and that the citizens of Coruscant are unaware of what danger looms on the horizon. So, you lot know: pretty much merely another mean solar day here in the GFFA.

As nosotros begin, I feel like I should entice yous all further by pointing out that A) Artoo and Threepio buying fruit is an actual key part of the plot here, and B) Artoo literally fucks off from his mission midway through to go to a spa for robots. If that doesn't brand you want to read more, I don't know what will. Let's go encounter what Mr. and Mrs. Secret Skywalker are up to and become this bear witness on the road!

Anoint This Mess

Nosotros're at Padme's apartment, ane of my favorite sets from Star Wars (THAT BALCONY!) where Padme is fussing like crazy over a dinner political party she is planning, and Anakin is watching her with nearly the verbal same face and posture nosotros see in Revenge of the Sith's balcony scene. Regrettably, I do not recall there being any subsequent Shirtless Nightmares in this arc, but give it fourth dimension. I could be wrong. Anyways, she's fretting almost table placements and what to wear (my eternal thanks to this arc for showing me that Padme has a WARDROBE HOLOGRAM ROBOT that she uses to selection out her clothes. Sigh!)

Anakin'south worried almost her because what the hell else is new:

…distressing we're not all every bit calm and collected as YOU, Anakin!

Padme is concerned considering she needs to impress her guests tonight for Political Reasons: she'southward trying to make a good impression on these guys so they'll vote with her. She'due south in a tizzy, and frankly so is C-3PO, but once more, what the hell else is new:

Political Crisis: Fruitcake Edition

Threepio examines the dessert offerings Artoo'south put together (Threepio put an ASTROMECH DROID in accuse of the dessert? WHY!? Why is Artoo even HERE right now?!) and he is scandalized: the dessert, a fruitcake, is missing jogan fruit, which is manifestly agigantic problem because Padme looks like someone told her The Death Star just blew up Alderaan in response to learning this information:

Anakin, Deep Thinker that he is, suggests they just…go buy some of this stupid fruit? Threepio's like I Tin can'T GO At present THERE'Southward NO Time, Anakin tells him to send Artoo to do it and so, Threepio's similar that guy can't pick out jogan fruit for jack he's the reason we take this problem, Anakin is like DUDE COME ON I Volition REPROGRAM You lot, and Padme'southward like ANAKIN WILL Y'all Only DEAL WITH THIS Delight I Accept SEVENTEEN HAIRSTYLES TO Attempt OUT BEFORE DINNER.

Finally, Anakin'southward like GODDAMN Information technology I'M Hardly EVER EVEN Domicile AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS BULLSHIT OK FINE BUT ONLY BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA SLEEP ON THE Couch This night: cheque this, Threepio — I'one thousand sending you on a mission! Yes, that'due south it. A mission. With Artoo. Go to Tatooine and tell Obi-Wan nosotros've got the plans for the Expiry Star and he's our simply hope. Wait. Wrong script. Guys: go purchase some fruit. Ah, the Highest Drama of Star Wars: our droid pals are off to buy some produce! And don't get lost or distracted or swindled out of this money I'm giving you, now, you lot hear me?

(Note: I am even so unclear as to why Anakin did not just go practise this errand himself. I dubiety Padme was interested in listening to him bitch about Obi-Wan or blather on well-nigh sand in an attempt to get her in the sack while she was human knee-deep in of import political party planning. If anything she should have Made him get to get him out of her hair, just like how I e'er try to get my kids out of the house before hosting an event so that they're not but hanging around annoying me and making everything take 50 times longer than it should. I digress.)

Shop 'Til You Drib

As they head out, Threepio is wounded that Anakin thinks he could possibly get thrown off grade while fulfilling their assignment, and he and Artoo get-go carrying on well-nigh who'south the one who gets distracted the well-nigh and honestly, everyone in Star Wars has a very antagonistic dynamic with their friends.

From a distance, Cad Blight is watching them and sends a beautiful fiddling droid henchmen, Todo, out to trail them.

Meanwhile, the Droidy Duo has found some of this fruit that is apparently a bigass goddamn bargain on which Padme's political time to come rests, and they're haggling over the cost with the salesman:

They cease up getting totally swindled on the cost of the fruit, and I feel a pang of sadness, because Anakin's the one who gave them the money for this and, similar, how much can a Jedi possibly get paid? Did they merely get swindled out of Anakin's lunch money for similar the adjacent 6 weeks? And now he's simply going to exist sitting in that location hungry and swiping French fries off Obi-Wan's plate for the next few days, and then Obi-Wan'due south going to catch on and be similar "Practise yous not have coin for nutrient? What happened? What have you been wasting your credits on this time ANAKIN, and it improve not be Pay-Per-View Podracing over again?" and then Ahsoka's going to feel bad and be like "…you tin have office of my sandwich, Master" and Anakin's going to be like "Nooooo, Snips, I can't take your food it'south fine I'1000 fine everything'due south fine" ALL Because OF THIS DAMN FRUITCAKE and WOW I actually sort of went off on a Space Family unit tangent in that location, huh? Sorry.

…what was I saying? Oh yeah, the droids spend too much money on fruit (I love that Star Wars is literally making this part of the story here.) Cad Bane is still eeevilly spying on them from distant, and tells Todo they're on the move. Get 'em!

Vanity, Thy Name is R2-D2

Threepio announces that they still have eight credits left, and Todo starts in on scamming them by maxim he can go Threepio all polished upwardly to similar-new state for exactly 8 credits! Huh! Threepio'due south not interested in the offer, just hilariously Artoo is super into it and wants to hear more about this Scam.

Artoo speeds off for the "maintenance bar" Todo is pushing and as Threepio tries to chase after him, Threepio gets kidnapped. So, hang on: was their Plan contingent on assuming that Artoo would be vain enough to be swindled by this scam? LOL, I love Star Wars.

Recurring Theme: The Electrocutions Will Continue Until Morale Improves

Now in Cad Blight's custody, Threepio is taken to a room where his mind is searched for the floor plans to the Senate building. After extensive scanning (and electrocuting,) they determine:

Threepio not-so-brightly points out that, hey, stuff like blueprints aren't my wheelhouse: that's more Artoo's deal!

Artoo's dorsum from his spa day and when he gets out of the building, he sees the fruit they bought earlier sitting on the ground virtually where Threepio was abducted, and he sounds worried.

Simply every bit he's asking effectually about Threepio, the bounty hunters are dorsum to nab him, and he causes a nifty big ruckus to slip off into the crowd.

Threepio continues to exist tortured and electrocuted past Cad Bane and…so, like, what is the bespeak of this, exactly? They already know he doesn't know annihilation, and then why even waste product the effort to continue zapping him? OK and so.

Artoo is hiding from the bad guys until he overhears them talking most how they're going to destroy Threepio if they can't discover Artoo, which of course draws him out. He's taken by the bounty hunters and handed off to Bane.

Recurring Theme: Have This Droid's Memory Wiped

Artoo has the information on the Senate floorplans that Cad Bane is looking for, and it gets shocked out of him. Bane tells his henchmen to wipe both of the droids' memories of the mean solar day, and prepare them back where they were, so as not to arouse further suspicion.

Nada To See Hither

"This is my Simply-Friend, Some Hot Jedi."

Back at Chez Amidala, Padme is greeting her guests WITH Anakin, and just, really, I have to ask: who exactly did these two think they were fooling past this point, exactly? Is everyone in this universe THAT DENSE? (Answer: yes. Yep they are.) Honestly though, he's standing right backside her, greeting people and practically wearing a Mr. Padme Amidala T-shirt, and by this point they might every bit well have but laid their hymeneals album out on the damn coffee table for everyone to peruse. It actually was a lovely lakeside ceremony, after all.

Anyways, Padme asks Anakin where the hell the robot he built ran off to, and Anakin helpfully says:

…the droids do indeed get a brain wipe, dumped dorsum off at the market, collect their fruit and head back home:

Recurring Theme: Permit's Get Talk To the Hutts

…and Cad Bane rolls up to Jabba'southward Palace to meet with the Hutt himself. Several questions come up to mind, including:

• Is sitting here staring at nadaall Jabba does all the time, ALWAYS, except for that ONE time he went to a podrace?
• Does this room have electricity, or is information technology however another place in this universe that has but mood lighting available?

Bane gets his payment for a job well done, and Jabba asks him if he'd like another assignment.

Please, on top of everything, Star Wars, don't make me consider these two cutting a rug.

Jabba'south protocol droid tells him yes, and he tin proper noun his price, but:

So, literally fifty-fifty the criminals in this galaxy have councils of decision-makers.

Blight notes that if the Hutt Council's involved, this must exist a pretty serious mission. J-Hutt asks everyone but Bane to leave so he can elaborate: the Hutt Quango holo-Skypes in and they all chat almost whether or non they should have Cad Blight go get Ziro the Hutt out of captivity for them. And…I merely…like, every unmarried thing involving the Hutts is similar, weapons-grade levels of Star Wars ridiculous, simply never more so than in this serial.

Will Cad Bane exist game to go become Ziro for them?

The Fruitcake of Destiny

Back at Padme's political party, the chef-bot and Anakin are getting ansy because the droids are STILL not back with the stupid fruit, and Anakin is like "UGH I knew this was gonna happen, that'due south why I sent Artoo" — you know, the robot who peaced out to get a robo-massage before in this episode. Anakin has the aforementioned blind spot about Artoo that Obi-Wan has nigh ANAKIN.

The Senators toast the signing of their treaty, and their impending dessert, and the music gets hijinks-y equally Padme looks at Anakin, doubtlessly thinking OK CHOSEN BOY, SUMMON SOME OF THIS GODDAMN FRUIT WITH THE FRICKING FORCE IF Y'all HAVE TO…

… and Anakin kind of shrugs helplessly and then laments to himself:

Y'all know, Skywalker, you're like not even on the same planet every bit your spouse plenty to know what "never hearing the cease" of something is like, actually. You can but pretend you were out of range or, you know, dueling with a Sith or something if you don't wanna talk nearly Padme's stupid fruitcake later. You don't even KNOW domestic life.

Do Not Underestimate The Dessert Class of the Nighttime Side

Artoo and Threepio finally arrive and Anakin is all snarly at them, and practically goes Dark Sider right then and there OVER A FUCKING FRUITCAKE . This episode is such a delight, I near laughed out loud while writing this.

He's busy laying into them about how he'll be getting less action than Yoda if this dinner is a disaster, when Padme shows upwardly to exist like IT'South FINE ANAKIN, JESUS, THE CAKE IS FINE RELAX:

She tells Threepio he's washed well:

And Threepio basically has the best day of his entire life as a result.

Anakin snarks to Artoo:

Oh Anakin.

…then, the iris-wipe appears, and we're ushered out of this installment. Let me cut you all a slice for the ride home!

Later in this series of stories from this ridiculous evidence, Obi-Wan shows us that he's capable of bitch-flirting with more people than just Anakin and Satine, as he and Quinlan Vos go on a Hutt Chase — merely earlier we get in that location, we'll take a brief jump back into Season ane (thanks to TCW's weird episode orders) and run into what happens when Anakin plays hooky.

'Til adjacent time!

Source: https://snarkwars.com/2016/08/29/tcw-season-3-episode-8-if-i-knew-you-were-coming-id-have-baked-a-cake/

Posted by: princeinsty1936.blogspot.com

Share this post